You know that moment... when the kids are fighting... it's already been a long day... they got off the bus and the tornado that is shoes, backpacks, coats, lunchboxes, and school papers is scattered throughout the kitchen and no one really cares except the puppy that is carrying everything behind the couch so he can chew it later. The kids have been home for about an hour and they are full blown psycho yelling over something like a USB cord and Lord knows you've got about 8 somewhere in the kitchen alone.
Your blood pressure is rising and you're trying to tell yourself not to go there. You've got to finish dinner and get the babies bathed before heading to soccer for the rest of your life.
"Guys figure it out... there are other chargers somewhere else."
No one stops. More yelling ensues. Someone gets whipped with the cord and lets out what can only be described as a death howl.
"Don't go there." Your inner being is trying to save you from completely. freaking. out.
You glance at the clock... It's only 5:15pm... we've got a lot of evening left. Keep it together.
All of a sudden they are in your face demanding attention, wanting you to know who did what, and why, and when, and how. Like you didn't just hear it all happening for the last 3 minutes.
"What is wrong, why is everyone screaming, give me the cord, who's cord is this? There are others go find another one."
You try to talk sense to them but they won't be bothered with it. They've gone to the dark side remember. There is no coming back for them. More whining and other annoying sounds come out of their mouths.
"Don't lose control... you can handle this... don't go there."
But you do. You go to the dark side with them.
You lose it. You yell some profanities....
My go to when I am just entering the dark side is "WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENING!?"
I'm not proud. Just being honest.
They back away and continue to yell their sides of the story at you.
You swiftly leave the dishes you are doing or the pot you are stirring to give them a come to Jesus moment and then BAM,
You give yourself one instead.
You fall to the ground breathing heavy and sweating. Holding back tears. You've just bashed your thigh into the garbage can drawer that one of your 14 kids left wide open. The wooden edges and metal track has taken you down. The children stop bickering to see if you've died because the sound that came out of you would give that impression. Little do they know you were about to go straight to their jugulars. Both at the same time too.
They stop fighting.
"Mom... are you OK?"
Here is the moment you make a choice. Get up and do something very scary and regretful.
Get up and begin again.
Sounds so good. It's so easy to if you can tell yourself to do that. Sometimes it takes something to knock you down. I know it's God... telling me "Chill Mama."
I fall all the time when I enter the dark side. Fall up the stairs, down the stairs, trip over a dog, a ball, a child.
So eventually you learn, right? You learn that "Whenever I go to the dark side, I end up getting hurt." Physically or emotionally. It feels SO much better to tell yourself to begin again when that moment is creeping up on you. Maybe it's not the children fighting. Maybe it's a stressful situation. Maybe your van died at soccer practice and it's raining and you drove to the sports complex in your slippers because it's 8pm and you had no plans of leaving the van due to a Disney movie marathon to keep the babies happy while the older ones practice. (SO much shame guys... that's a true story.) Maybe it's Sunday night and your 4th grader pulls out the laptop and says "Oh by the way my book report is due tomorrow... I haven't started." Instead of losing it... I'm telling myself to start over. Let's begin again.
THIS. This is what I want to pass on to the kids. Not the freak out, full blown psycho, scream at you til I pass out thing that happens sometimes. Like what happened to me when I was little and learning.
I'm not saying you shouldn't yell. I like to think the yelling and freak outs here and there are giving them character. My husband and I are both yellers... although I absolutely yell more.
HOWEVER!! (see that's me yelling.)
You will feel much more in control if you can, begin again. <center/>