I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 18. Just graduated. Just moved in with Paul. Just bought a puppy. I was also 8 months pregnant... And this was my first time living on my own. I had many realizations to come upon still but my first one sticks out in my mind like no other.
Megan Realizes. Chapter 1.
Lopso was our puppy. And he needed to be potty trained.
"I have to let this thing out like, I dunno, at least 5 times a day!?" (It ended up being way more than that by the way.) He would pee on the floor. I would clean it. Mad as all hell.
I was a brat. And ignorant.
I realized I was responsible for this dog. He needed love and care. Food and water. Vet and meds. He would cry at night in his crate... Doesn't he know I need sleep?
Eventually, we both got better at being together. He started to pee outside. He slept all night. I was relieved. That was easy.
Megan Realizes. Chapter 2.
An unplanned pregnancy will make or break you as a mother. It made me. It's my proudest moment. I'm so very blessed I was able to do this 4 times. I remember looking into Brogan's beautiful big eyes in that hospital room and feeling nothing except pure euphoric love... And the 40 some stitches I needed after bringing him into this world. I don't care how high on love you are. You feel those.
After we brought him home, in the dark quiet house after a 3 am feeding, I remember thinking about how exhausted I was. I was looking at him and I realized. Oh. My. I have to do this like, every night for months...no. No, that can't be possible.
Then came the diaper changes. Same thing. I thought about changing diapers for 2 years. (As if it would be so easy to teach him to use the potty by age 2.) 10 diapers a day X 12 months... Oh. My. Word. No. No that can't be right.
Oooh honey child. It's right.
I realized that was the way of it. This is just what you do. No one really can prepare you for that. To put someone before you or anything else. Your instincts kick in, and you "do". You learn.
Megan Realizes. Chapter 3.
So 4 kids and 2 dogs later and I can run this house blindfolded... and I'm realizing new things.
The boys had been bickering all evening. At about 8:30 I'd had it. I sent them to bed. They stomped upstairs and the house was quiet. Wyn tossed and turned on the couch while I picked up the days mess. And then. Stillness.
Finally. Sleep time. Everyone is out. I'm alone in my thoughts. Just me and the dishwasher running.
I carried Bronwyn upstairs and lowered her into her crib. I watched her roll around under her blanket until she was comfy and I thought to myself...
I'll only be able to do this for like, 2 more years.
I will miss the diapers. I will.
I will miss the footie jammies. The reaching for me. The snuggles. I will miss it all. I feel like I already miss it because I know how fast it leaves. Realization of the year for me. To welcome the tasks that only last a couple years instead of dreading them.